from Roger Hartopp:

Interior of large major record store. A rapper is spouting away in
the corner. Customer arrives and approaches  counter to be greeted by
young assistant. Artistic licence has been taken here as one realises
such a conversation  could not possibly take place these days. But
it's a bit of fun. Apologies to Monty Python and the Cheeseshop

Melrose: Good morning sir.
TD fan: Good morning. I was sitting in my abode just now, listening
to some old pieces of black 12 inch vinyl when  all of a sudden I
decided to be a little bit more up-to-date.
Melrose: Up-to-date, sir?
TD fan: Neoteric.
Melrose: Eh?
TD fan: I bought myself a Compact Disc player!
Melrose: Ah! Cd's!
TD fan: In a nutshell. So I thought to myself after buying the
necessary means of further entertainment that I would  sally forth
and infiltrate your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of
some discs to replace the vast  aggregation of black flat vinyl set
down on the stage of my abode featuring the exquisiteness of this
sphere's most  paramount electronic assemblage.
Melrose: Come again.
TD fan: I want to buy some CD's by Tangerine Dream.
Melrose: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the rapper.
TD fan: Heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of
dulcet expression.
Melrose: Sorry?
TD fan: Oooh, I like a good dance tune - I'm forced to. I have no
choice most of the time.
Melrose: So he can go on rapping, can he?
TD fan: Of course. Now, my good man, a CD by Tangerine Dream, please.
Melrose: Certainly sir. What would you like?
TD fan: Well, I suppose I'd better go right to the start. How about
Electronic Meditation?
Melrose: I'm afraid we're straight out of the Electronic Meditation
CD, sir.
TD fan: Oh never mind. Maybe I just try a little later. How are you
on the CD Hyperborea?
Melrose: Not at the moment sir. Always get the discs from the
distributor on Friday.
TD fan: Tish tish. No matter. Well, I think we'll have Le Parc then,
if you please, stout yeoman.
Melrose: Ah, well, it's been on order for two weeks sir. I was
expecting it this morning.
TD fan:  Yes, it's not my lucky day, is it. Er, Goblin's Club?
Melrose: Sorry.
TD fan: Turn of the Tides?
Melrose: Normally sir, yes, but today the van broke down.
TD fan: Ah, Heartbreakers?
Melrose: Sorry.
TD fan: Alpha Centauri, Atem?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Do you have Stratosfear?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Thief?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Poland?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: White Eagle?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: The Seven Letters From Tibet?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Tyranny of Beauty?
Melrose: ...No.
TD fan: 220 Volt?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Any CD's originally released on the Jive-electro label?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Catch Me if You Can, Quinoa, Zoning, Green Desert, Zeit,
Pergamon, Cyclone, Exit, Wavelength, Miracle  Mile, Optical Race...
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Rockoon perhaps?
Melrose: Ah! We do have Rockoon, sir.
TD fan: You do? Excellent.
Melrose: The case is a little bit scratched sir.
TD fan: Oh, I don't mind.
Melrose: Well as a matter of fact it's very scratched sir.
TD fan: No matter, no matter. Hand over the disc, s'il vous plait.
Melrose: I think the condition of the whole package is worse then
you'd like it, sir.
TD fan: I don't care what the f**king condition of the disc is. Hand
it over with all speed.
Melrose: Yes sir. Oh...
TD fan: What?
Melrose: My boss has sold it.
TD fan: Has he?
Melrose: She, sir.
TD fan: Destination Berlin?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Great Wall of China?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Encore?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Dead Solid Perfect?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: The Hollywood Years Volumes 1 & 2?
Melrose: No, sir.
TD fan: You do have some CD's by Tangerine Dream, don't you?
Melrose: Certainly sir. It's a Cd shop sir. We've got...
TD fan: No, no, no, don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Melrose: Fair enough.
TD fan: Melrose?
Melrose: Yes, sir?
TD fan: Oh, well I'll have that then.
Melrose: Oh, I'm sorry sir, I thought you were referring to me, Mr.
Melrose, that's my name.
TD fan: Antique Dreams?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Ambient Monkeys?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Ricochet?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Canyon Dreams?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Any copies of Sohoman?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: Lily on the Beach?
Melrose: No.
TD fan: The Keep?
Melrose: Not today sir, no.
TD fan: Well let's go for the biggie. How about Phaedra?
Melrose: Well I'm afarid in the thirty odd years the shop's been here
we've never sold a copy of Phaedra round  these parts.
TD fan: Never sold a copy? It sold over 100,000 copies in this
country and is their best selling album in the world!
Melrose: Not round these parts, sir.
TD fan: And pray what is the best selling Tangerine Dream album round
these parts?
Melrose: Tangram, sir.
TD fan: I see.
Melrose: Yes sir. In fact, it's quite staggeringly popular in the
manor, squire.
TD fan: Is it?
Melrose: Yes sir, it's our number-one seller in instrumental music.
TD fan: Is it?
Melrose: Yes, sir.
TD fan: Tangram, eh?
Melrose: Right.
TD fan: OK, I'm game. Have you got a copy, he asked, expecting the
answer no?
Melrose: I'll have a look... nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooo.
TD fan: It's not much of a CD shop, is it?
Melrose: Finest in the district, sir.
TD fan: And what leads you to that conclusion?
Melrose: Well, there's so many CD's in stock.
TD fan: Well, it isn't exactly stocked with Tangerine Dream records.
Melrose: You haven't asked me about Dream Mixes 3, sir.
TD fan: Is it worth it?
Melrose: Could be.
TD fan: Okay, have you... SHUT THAT BLOODY RAPPER UP!!!!
Melrose: Told you so.
TD fan: Have you got Dream Mixes 3?
Melrose: No sir.
TD fan: Predictable really. `Twas an act of the purest optimism to
have posed the question in the first place. Tell me,
Melrose: Yes sir?
TD fan: Do you have any CD's by Tangerine Dream at all?
Melrose: Yes sir.
TD fan: Really?
Melrose: No sir. Not a copy, We only stock discs that are in the Top
100 or by acts that sell millions and rap and  house music. I was
deliberately wasting your time, sir.
TD fan: Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Melrose: Right-ho, sir. (BANG - lies dead on the floor)
TD fan: What a senseless waste of human life.